I made many mistakes with women, in my corporate career and business.
I had a steep, painful learning curve.
When I consider why, I realize a few themes come up, but one insight stands above the rest.
You don’t know yourself
The ability to make the right choice is directly proportional to how well you know yourself.
Otherwise, you risk marrying the wrong partner, starting the wrong business, picking the wrong profession, living in the wrong location, and so on. Some of these mistakes are more “fixable” than others. However, they are all rooted in the fact you may not know your likes and dislikes.
For example, if you’re not familiar with your talents and natural abilities, you could study the wrong field. If you don’t know what’s important for you in a partner, you could end up with the wrong person.
For over eight years I started a few marketing businesses and made sales in all of them. But nothing stuck in the long run because they didn’t complement what I was actually good at: advertising strategy. They also didn’t align with my core belief that advertising is king for client acquisition.
What’s more, I realized I’ve never wanted to start a marketing agency. I just pursued it since I didn’t know what else to do.
Most people don’t even try
Most people don’t experiment, so they don’t make enough mistakes.
Hence, they never get to know themselves. They fear failure.
Paradoxically, living that way only increases your chances of failure in the long run.
You risk not having any reference experience, and staying in your own little bubble. The only way to avoid this mentality is to experiment: dating different people, starting that business you’ve been thinking about, applying for internships in various jobs — and getting feedback from life.
Obviously, not all of your attempts would result in success- but 100% of them would be fruitful. Because mistakes aren’t mistakes if you learn from them. As cliche as it sounds, they are just stepping stones towards success. Mistakes help you course-correct your path and make you a little bit wiser each time.
Mistakes make you intelligent.
The more you invest in the wrong path, the higher the cost of fixing it
Mistakes are a great teacher.
But that doesn’t mean you should waste your time on the wrong things. And while I wouldn’t recommend anyone to “go out there and fail” just for the sake of it, I also don’t think you should be reckless with your decisions. Time flies and life is challenging enough. Had I been more aware, I’d probably have stopped building marketing agencies way earlier.
I had to lose all my savings just to pick a different route. And when I did, it was ten times harder. I had to create a new income source from scratch and suffer for a few more months (as if it wasn’t hard already — trying to build a business during war time).
Even though I grew from that experience, I’m not sure it was worth it.
“How do I make the right decision?”
The above question is everybody’s million dollar question, I think.
First, the “intellectual” answer :
The right decision can be made by understanding your priorities.
Let’s say you consider leaving your job to start a business. You weigh your options, and you’re still not sure what to do. For simplicity’s sake, assume you’ve got money saved for 12 months (Claude: how else can I phrase this?), and you know what business you want to launch.
You could ask yourself, “What’s more valuable to me? Comfort, predictability and a steady paycheck, or finding out what I’m capable of?” There’s no right answer here — only what’s right for you.
Second, consider this:
When we truly want something, we don’t have to convince ourselves we want it.
I believe that applies to every area of life.
Whenever I tried to force myself into a relationship, it didn’t work. Whenever I picked a business idea I didn’t feel great about, it failed. I felt a subtle resistance at the moment I made these choices. There was a tiny voice whispering, “No!” which I chose to ignore.
Bad idea.
So use your head, but also listen to your gut.
Conclusion
The better you know yourself, the higher your chances of making the “right” decision. Of course it’s not the only factor, but I think it’s the most important one. Also, making the right calls doesn’t mean immediate success, if at all.
It just means, that for the time being, that’s the right decision to make.