Suffering and growth are usually linked.
If you want to achieve a goal or turn your life around, hardship and struggle will follow.
The best thing we can do is learn from that experience.
The value of suffering is resilience
I got rejected by hundreds of women in my 20s (I’m turning 35 this month).
I approached them in bars and tested every pickup “technique” I read online. Was it fun? No. Sometimes I cried. But it was necessary at the time. It helped me get out of my shell, date some girls, get some “wins” under my belt, and understand the dynamics of relationships.
Most importantly, it helped me realize nothing bad ever happens when you fail.
And it made me almost “immune” to failure.
Had I let fear control my life, I would have gotten none of the experience- good or bad- and would have had to deal with my social issues later in life (which would be much harder).
The value of suffering is skill
For almost three years, I worked a job I resented.
I was a media buyer at a marketing agency in Tel Aviv, and every day I would deal with shit bosses, frustrated clients, and my own negative emotions.
I couldn’t wait to punch the clock and go home.
However, that job made me a better marketer. It made me productive. It taught me how to talk to clients, keep my work organized, and sell different products and services online.
Every day was a struggle there. Still, I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything because I learned a ton.
I wouldn’t suffer for the sake of it
After a certain point, there’s no point in continuing to do the things that cause you pain.
Eventually, I stopped doing “pickup stuff” and relied on my instincts. I left that marketing job and found a better one.
I felt like it was time to move on since there was nothing more to learn in those places- and my personal growth had come to a halt.
Suffering ends when you learn your lesson
I deeply believe suffering is a choice.
The challenge is, we usually don’t understand the problems that cause us to suffer. We aren’t fully aware of them- if at all. And that’s the point.
Struggle makes you learn.
It makes you think and wonder.
It makes you doubt things.
And above all, struggle pushes you to grow. You can choose to avoid suffering, but then you will also miss out on your own personal evolution. I wouldn’t suffer on purpose, but I wouldn’t hide from it either.
Let your hardship become a teacher.
Then choose a better path when you’re able to.