“From 1–10, how badly do you wanna slit your wrists?” he said.
His question paralyzed me. It was a casual question, yet direct, and caught me completely off guard. That’s what made him a great therapist.
“Roughly six,” I replied.
The little “death wish” we all have
I think all of us want to die, in a way.
Just listen to random bits people throw out throughout the day:
“This is so hard, I wanna die.” Or, “I hate thissss… I wish I could die.” We don’t really mean it at the moment. Even through hardship, I believe most people love life and want to celebrate it. We want a successful career, money, a loving partner, beautiful kids, vacations on the beach, all that great stuff.
However, it seems like we naturally gravitate towards death. And the reason could be simple. Many people who experienced death for a while and “came back” (from various reasons like heart attacks, car accidents, whatever) say they felt a great relief. My mom’s friend almost died a few years back. He said it felt so good, so heavenly, so peaceful, he didn’t want to come back down.
No wonder we want to die.
Death isn’t painful.
Death is a relief.
We need to feel like we belong
The stupidest mistake I made was doing “monk mode” for two years.
In Emile Durkheim’s “Suicide”, he mentions different types of suicide that take place in different circumstances. One type is “Egoistic suicide”, that stems from a lack of integration into society. People cut off from social bonds lack the shared meaning and support that groups provide.
Durkheim’s remedy is “occupational groups.” Since the institution of religion and family could be weak sometimes, one can reattach himself to an organized group around trade or profession.
In today’s world, this would be a nine to five job, your own business, or even volunteer work.
We need something to live for
People need a “purpose.”
A goal, a destination, someone to take care of.
Something to live for.
Otherwise, you’re susceptible to all sorts of negative emotions. Not having a partner to share your life with is one thing. Not having a job is another. Not having any friends to talk to is tough, but tolerable if you have a family. But having none of those — no family, no love, no career, zero friends, is extremely hard. I’ve suffered through many of these situations, but always had my family.
I can only imagine what life would be like without them.
Conclusion
Last March my brother’s friend jumped from the 10th floor.
He’s been dealing with depression for years, and couldn’t find his place in the world. Last time I saw him at our house, he seemed frightened. I wanted to hug him. Such a cute kid. He tried taking his life before, but his father stopped him. He didn’t have a job, barely had friends, not to mention a girlfriend. I gave a lot of thought to his last moments.
Was he crying, or simply wanted to get over it and jumped coldly…
May he rest in peace.
No matter what you’re going through, there’s always someone who’s dealing with tougher issues. You might think you’re having the toughest time in the world — think no one gets you, or maybe even think you’re “unique” in that sense — but I assure you that isn’t the case.
Anyway.
Let’s keep our heads up.
The least we can do is be nice to ourselves, to each other, offer someone a hand, or even just a smile.