(Photo by Rosario Esposito La Rossa on Unsplash)
In three months my life turned upside down.
I was a wreck.
The loss of my father was too sudden and traumatic.
I believed “it’ll pass”. All I needed was time.
I’ll go out with friends, travel, start university, and get over it.
Meanwhile, things got worse by the day.
Nothing clicked for me.
No matter where I turned.
I wasn’t happy with my social circle.
Neither with the college degree I was getting.
Hundreds of girls rejected me, forcing me to learn painful lessons about life.
It was all one big bullshit. Fuck that.
I was 26, and I didn’t have my own car.
Not to mention my own place.
Even my four-month trip to Asia was depressive.
Then I realized something.
My mental state won’t get any better unless I take care of it with professional help. I was wrong for thinking it’ll pass, and I paid the price.
The next couple of years were crucial to my growth.
Through all these challenges, I built a life I’m proud of and happy to live.
I didn’t make millions. No. I live in a bedroom apartment and drive a mini car. But I’m happy.
The better I felt about myself, the better people I found myself with.
The better career opportunities I had.
The more “quality” women I dated.
The more I had to give, the more I got back.
The more I dealt with challenges, the better my life got.
Here’s what I think can serve as a principle for building a better life for yourself.
1. Emotional wealth above everything
You probably won’t get far if you feel like shit most of the time.
The quality of anything you do is directly proportional to the quality of your feelings when you do it. No matter if you’re doing sales, writing code, dating or even cooking. If you don’t feel good while doing these things,
the final result will be weak. You don’t feel at your best, and it affects your performance. People around you will feel it as well. You can’t walk around depressed and expect great things to happen in your life.
2. Understanding YOU
The more I dig deep to understand my own emotions, motivations, and issues, the clearer my life gets. I know exactly what type of people I want to be around. Exactly what type of woman I want. Precisely what motivates me in life and why. Everything becomes much simpler; you let go of everything wrong for you and go for the right things for you. You start shining.
3. Career and “hard work”
You can’t be a bum and expect life to get better. I have friends who fucked up badly in their 20s and now pay the price when they are thirty plus. You need some kind of professional direction. Be it a salaried employee, a business owner, a teacher in university, whatever. No direction with your career WILL affect you at some point if you ask me. You’ll witness people around you make something great out of themselves, and you’ll feel like you stayed behind. We also consider what our potential partner does for a job. It lets us know if they’re mature and responsible enough to take care of their own lives. It MAY also reveal some of your interests and say something about your personality.
4. The way you look and everything behind it
I think one’s look can reflect quite a lot about him. If someone takes good care of himself, it’s going to show. Good sleep. Mindful diet. Great workout every week. Personal grooming. The common thing for all of these is they make you feel fantastic about yourself, and everyone around you feels it too. If you neglect your health or grooming, it will hurt your chances not only in relationships but also in areas like your career, if you ask me. You only need to remove great sleep or a mindful diet from this equation, and your life turns into shit real quick.
5. Learning cycles and consulting mentors
No matter how experienced you get- you’re always learning and implementing what you know. If you don’t, you’ll probably stay stuck for a long time. This goes back to the principles of making mistakes;
making them is inevitable, an integral part of growth. In relationships, careers, health, and anything else. So when you’re moving forward, you’re always in some sort of learning cycle. The trick is to use mentors and consultants to help you overcome them the right way, without banging your head against the wall for years.
Being hard on yourself can be cruel. Don’t. Making mistakes is natural.
I used to get caught up in my mistakes and waste too many hours to beat myself up over them. Try to learn from them, and then let go. “He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.”
Through all of this, you need to be patient. You can’t expect miracles overnight. It’s a process. You reach new understandings. Learn new things about life. About yourself. You then implement them, and, bit by bit, you get closer to any goal you’ve set yourself. Depending on what you’re trying to achieve exactly, you’ll have to adapt to different degrees of patience.
There’s much more to be said about building a better life for yourself.
These are just what I think are basic principles- you still need to go out there and take action. However, I truly believe these principles are universal and anyone can use them.