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# I Tested 20+ Pickup Books — Here’s What Actually Gets Women Interested (It’s Not Attraction)
- URL: https://jonathanpeykar.com/i-tested-20-pickup-books-heres-what-actually-gets-women-interested-its-not-attraction/
- Published: 2026-08-31T09:36:18.000Z
- Updated: 2026-08-31T12:56:05.000Z
- Author: Jonathan Peykar
- Tags: Self-Improvement

One of the biggest obstacles in my 20s was “getting women.”

I was a shy guy, not very confident, yet determined to change my life.

So what did I do?

I read every pickup book I could get my hands on, and tested their techniques in bars. What a complete disaster that was. Since my entire thinking was flawed, I kept getting rejected at different stages of the relationship.

Six years later, I realized the core of my dating issues started from a single misunderstanding.

## You need more than attraction to get women

Attraction is important.

But it’s not the only thing that moves a relationship forward. In fact, attraction is incredibly overrated if you ask me.

A guy can look at a woman and feel attracted within seconds. One or two visual cues are enough to get the job done. However, women don’t usually behave the same way. You might spark their interest and it will seem “on” quickly, yes, at the bar, on a dating app or wherever you approach them, but real attraction builds over time as she gets to know you.

**Men are like light switches.**

**Women are like dimmer switches.**

The dating industry treats attraction as the holy grail of dating, but the reality is attraction alone won’t bring more women into your life.

## Comfort is probably your missing link

First and foremost:

Women go out and sleep with men they feel comfortable with.

If a woman doesn’t feel at ease around a guy, nothing’s gonna happen between them. But if she feels appreciated, and not judged for her values, beliefs and behaviors, that’s when things start to click. Attraction builds as you keep seeing each other, and sex and dates are just a byproduct of that.

I have dated women that told me things like, “I feel comfortable around you,” or “when I come over this Friday, get the rubbers ready,” or “There’s something natural about you, not too try-hard”. A lot of these comments turn into them wanting to be more physically intimate before we even sleep together.

It’s much easier to be the guy she feels comfortable with, than the man who tries to be attractive.

## Comfort builds when you let go

Building comfort is all about appreciation over desire.

When a woman feels like you only want sex, she closes off. But when you put her interest before yours- when you make her feel understood and heard- when she feels like you don’t have anything to prove to yourself- she opens up.

So detach from any agendas and go with the flow.

Second, openly compliment and express how she makes you feel.

Many men fear compliments because they have been told it’s not masculine. They fear if they compliment a woman, they put her on a pedestal. But honest compliments create a vibe of fun, openness and mutual respect. Let her know how she makes you feel when you are together.

Women aren’t used to men who do this.

Lastly, remember she often feels what you feel.

If you don’t feel good about yourself, if you don’t feel at ease, she probably won’t either. So relax. Take your time. Get to know her, and make the effort to understand who she really is.

Experiment with the advice above, and see what happens.

The results will surprise you.