The more I dig deep to understand my own emotions, motivations, and issues, the clearer my life gets. I know exactly what type of people I want to be around. Exactly what type of woman I want. Precisely what motivates me in life and why.

Everything becomes much simpler; you let go of everything wrong for you and go for the right things for you. You start shining.

You can’t be a bum and expect life to get better. I have friends who fucked up badly in their 20s and now pay the price when they are thirty plus. You need some kind of professional direction. Be it a salaried employee, a business owner, a teacher in university, whatever.

No direction with your career WILL affect you at some point if you ask me. You’ll witness people around you make something great out of themselves, and you’ll feel like you stayed behind. We also consider what our potential partner does for a job.

It lets us know if they’re mature and responsible enough to take care of their own lives. It MAY also reveal some of your interests and say something about your personality.

I think one’s look can reflect quite a lot about him. If someone takes good care of himself, it’s going to show. Good sleep. Mindful diet. Great workout every week. Personal grooming. The common thing for all of these is they make you feel fantastic about yourself, and everyone around you feels it too.

If you neglect your health or grooming, it will hurt your chances not only in relationships but also in areas like your career, if you ask me. You only need to remove great sleep or a mindful diet from this equation, and your life turns into shit real quick.

No matter how experienced you get- you’re always learning and implementing what you know. If you don’t, you’ll probably stay stuck for a long time. This goes back to the principles of making mistakes; making them is inevitable, an integral part of growth. In relationships, careers, health, and anything else.

So when you’re moving forward, you’re always in some sort of learning cycle. The trick is to use mentors and consultants to help you overcome them the right way, without banging your head against the wall for years.

Being hard on yourself can be cruel. Don’t. Making mistakes is natural.
I used to get caught up in my mistakes and waste too many hours to beat myself up over them. Try to learn from them, and then let go. “He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.”

Through all of this, you need to be patient. You can’t expect miracles overnight. It’s a process. You reach new understandings. Learn new things about life. About yourself. You then implement them, and, bit by bit, you get closer to any goal you’ve set yourself. Depending on what you’re trying to achieve exactly, you’ll have to adapt to different degrees of patience.

There’s much more to be said about building a better life for yourself.
These are what I think are the fundamentals- you still need to go out there and take action. However, I truly believe these principles are universal and anyone can use them.

“The Secret” brought one of the first waves of motivational speakers. It was all history from there. Self-help was going mainstream. People resonated with it. Marketers told them, “It’s not your fault”, and then offered their products on a silver plate. Books. Events. Movies. Digital courses. In-person courses. Everyone and their grandma turned either a coach or a customer. NLP coaches, dating coaches, business coaches. All the same.

In the past seven years, I worked with some business coaches as part of my marketing day job. They mentor my clients. Some of them are dressed in suits. Five minutes into the meeting, you realize they don’t know what they’re talking about. It took me a while to realize why clients pay them. Then after a meeting with some bigshot coach, the penny dropped. They were therapists branded as business coaches.

Motivation is a sneaky feeling; you can’t trust it. One day you feel motivated; the next day you don’t. One day you feel like, “Let’s do this shit”. The next day you feel anxious about it. Listen. When something is important enough, you do it anyway. You can’t rely on mood swings or the way you feel. Self-discipline is above all of this. You do something even if you don’t feel like it.

I had trouble meeting women, so I went out to bars for years and worked on that. I got rejected hundreds of times. It wasn’t fun at first. But I did it anyway since I knew I had no other choice. I couldn’t make a single sale with my marketing agency hustle for three years. Made more than 100 calls. Got rejected again and again. Trust me, I had zero motivation for any of this at some point. Didn’t have any “push” energy anymore. But I did it anyway since I knew I had to learn this precious skill of selling on the phone.

I had a similar experience with my marketing career. The first year as an intern was rough. I dealt with lots of gaps in knowledge and self-doubt. I put effort into making it work, then got fired after a year and a half. But I continued this path since I believed I’d do well.

Same thing with fitness. I go to the gym three times a week. You think I have the motivation for that? I don’t feel like lifting heavy things after a day at work. And I certainly don’t feel motivated to work out on Saturday, when everybody’s chilling. But I do it anyway because it pays off. I look good and feel great. And that’s important enough.

Self-discipline is freedom. You enjoy more energy and more financial opportunities, you meet great people, and you’re aware of what’s going on around you. You couldn’t enjoy all that if all you had was “motivation”.

Like anything, discipline is a skill. With enough practice, you get better at it:

1. Choose the right goals- Work toward goals that have meaning for you. It’ll be a lot better to stay consistent at it. You’ll be PULLED almost automatically instead of having to push all day. Ever worked at a job you didn’t care about? Yeah. All you wanted is finish your day and go home. So pick goals you see value in. Working out will help you look better. Building a business or learning new skills will make you more money. Communicating better and learning from your mistakes will help you meet better people.

2. Break through the initial resistance- Homoestasis is real. Your body might resist changing to maintain internal balance. New stuff seems odd to us. It’s outside of our comfort zones. You must be aware of it and go for what you want anyway. Tell yourself you’ll only do it for a couple of minutes. Just a minute or two to begin with. Your mind will adjust. If learning a new skill is challenging, read just a page or two on improving it. Let it pull in you. Soon that resistance will demolish. If you fear approaching women, walk over and just say hi, or ask what the time is. These little tricks will help you move forward and make you realize fear is nothing more than a feeling you can manipulate.

3. Make a lifestyle out of it- After you do something for a while, look for ways to incorporate it into your daily routines. I write before work. I go to the gym after work. I read on launch break or in the evening. Easy enough. I don’t have to do something crazy to get those done. You have to say, “Screw this, I’m doing this anyway”, daily. Until it becomes part of you. Breaking your comfort zone will become a habit, and you’ll laugh at the face of the challenge.

4. Remove distractions- I installed BlockerHero on my phone, and that’s the best thing I’ve done lately. It disables Reels and the rest of the crap that makes you scroll for days. No longer do I waste dopamine on this sort of thing. Staying focused is easier, and I have much more energy to accomplish my goals throughout the week. Porn, Netflix, social media, all that bullshit has to go. Or at least minimized. You can’t do well when these bother you 24/7.

We’ve been brainwashed into the idea of “motivation”. But motivation is a feeling, and feelings change. You can’t rely on them to get the job done. Develop self-discipline instead, and the world is yours.

Imagine you’re sitting down, and I come close with a big bucket of water over your head. Since the bucket is full, you’ll feel that sort of instinct telling you to pull back. To take a step backwards into “safety”. When a guy approaches life with an “I’m enough” mindset, it reinforces his confidence and makes everyone around him feel his presence.

He approaches women calmly. He doesn’t over-compensate for anything. He’s full. Steady. Knows his worth. In a business setting, he mentions his premium prices and shuts up. He doesn’t explain himself. Same thing in a job interview.

People can tell, “This guy is serious and knows what he’s doing.” Now imaging living like this for a year or two. Let me tell you, your self-belief and confidence become almost ridiculous. This is how you start feeling like “the best”. Of course, you need to keep facing the challenges of life.

You can’t sit down at home and say, “HA! I’m enough! That’s it!” It’s a self-belief which slowly grows within you. Your job is to plant the seed of confidence (face challenges), then let time do its thing. Bit by bit, you grow. Some men reach the “I’m enough” mindset sooner, some later.

“There’s no theory here. It’s the rambling of a madman”- Rickey Gervais, The World Of Karl Pilkington. Ricky Gervais’s radio show from the early 2000s is something else. You got three people sitting around talking nonsense. And out of this free, careless behaviour of self-expression, genius stuff emerges. Idiotic, stupid, random nonsense is funny when someone says them seriously.

You see, guys who overthink their interactions with women never get far. It just doesn’t work. It doesn’t get the girl. Intelligent guys are too hard on themselves exactly because of this reason.

They don’t even approach the girl because they “don’t know what to say”. A moment later, some idiot approaches her, says whatever, and makes her laugh instantly. He ain’t too smart for himself.

Once a guy fully integrates this belief of “I’m enough”, he reaches a state when his whole body is aligned with his thoughts. You don’t believe you’re enough; it’s a fact. You know it. And it’s the perfect platform to feel like you’re the best. When you’re able to express yourself freely, you become dangerous.

Knowing you’re “enough” and feeling like you’re the best thing to ever happen for a woman is critical if you ask me. When you know you’re enough as a man, you can’t help but feel like the best.

The most successful guys I know have this unshakable belief about themselves. It’s a competitive edge few men have. And you get there by dealing with life’s challenges and not backing down when shit gets tough.

They let her know she’s more than just “a pussy” in their eyes. They talk about her interests, mention what they like about her specifically, and learn how to have an intelligent conversation with another human being. This lets the girl realize you’re not some moron. You’re a normal guy.

She can feel comfortable around you and be herself. And when a girl feels comfortable around a guy… this is when the fun begins.

I know many guys who are successful with women, yet they work at a shit job- even at the age of 30. This is where the definition of “successful” comes in. If all you want is to get laid, you can probably do it without having “a life”. If you’re going to meet women who, how would I call it, have more “class” or they’re” higher quality”- then you need to figure out this part of your life. Don’t be a bum. Please.

They go to the gym. They’re aware of their diets. It lets women know they care about themselves. AND it makes them look better. Lifting weights makes you look good(if you ask me), but it also makes you feel great. Higher testosterone, better this, better that, you know the drill. When you feel great about yourself, people feel that. Especially women.

At the end of the day, they’re just normal guys who want the best for themselves and for the people around them.

At some point, you have to leave that behind. This is where you develop self-trust and start viewing yourself as a master instead of a student. No more coaches. No more GoORooz on Youtube. Just you and your self-reliance. This is true freedom.

You can’t walk around as a confident guy and think to yourself, “Hmm, I wonder what this coach would do in that situation. Oh, and what about what this guy said? What’s the best approach here?”All this self-talk inside your head leads to no good, especially when interacting with women.

I like this one. It might take some time but you’ll get there. You’ll feel like you’re doing what YOU want to do with your life. You’re doing what YOU think is right. You’re building your own little island, your own life, and you’re damn proud of what’s taking shape in front of your eyes.